Well, Time to Face the Obvious

Ok, so I'm nowhere near 99. 103.6 lbs. I remember the first time I hit 103 on this latest campaign for perfection. It was so dizzying. I felt sooo thin. Now I feel pregnant. I see this round ass fucking stomach jutting out from the space between my hipbones. Yes, I see those too. Brain!!! You've never been there for me! All you do is analyze everything and everyone, and it's sometimes hilarious but mostly it's painful. I want ECT. Or just to finally be able to look in the mirror and say, "Good job! You have really lost a lot of weight! You could still lose more if you want to, but man, You Rock for what you've accomplished so far!" But instead it's more like, "You stupid bitch. You are worthless and pathetic. Noone likes you, and noone loves you. Noone has, and noone ever will. Your own parents hate you......" Like, who cares if my parents hate me. Really, they're lame, and I am soooo lucky I'm nothing like them. Oh, and update on the schizophrenia... I don't know. I just feel like everywhere I go I hear people whispering about how thin I am. I just don't know what's real anymore. I feel like all the paper thin skinned bony women of the world smile at me when they see me. But they can't see me as one of them....... I'm 103.6 NOT 85. They can't recognize me as one of them. Are these women really there????? Seriously, that's how scared I am that I'm living in the Twilight Zone. Also, I think every man I pass by is either repulsed by my fatness, thinness, or wants to rape me. I live in a constant state of raging insecurity and breath stealing fear. Is everyone just so much more aware of skinny now? Because of all the attention from the media, and all the pornographic images in the ad sideboxes on internet sites? Hahahaha.... man those things suck! AAAhhhhh...... no food!