Mania, Christmas, and Normalcy

Some people only know when they are depressed and are blissfully ignorant during states of mania. Not I! When I'm cleaning behind the stove with toothpicks, rambling on about some topic where I am suddenly an expert, and snapping at my partner whenever he insists on interjecting, I know. When I'm jumping up and down on my bed while calling my parents and trying to get them to give me $10,000 to invest in stocks, I know. I enjoy mania, and I can always laugh at myself afterwards. Sometimes.... it's scary. And I know it's not good for my babe to see, and I risk him getting on my cycles. But I know normal isn't real. No one's normal! We all break our backs pretending to be normal. I blame George Bush. It's going to be hard to undo all this normal nonsense. We're all different. We all have our quirks! So when my boyfriend panicked when I put one tablespoon of weight watchers mac and cheese and one cut of prime rib on my plate, didn't finish it, and threw it in the trash without hiding it, I saw it as an act of rebellion against "normal." In fact, he even said to me, "that's not normal." Ew! And I guess the way they were stuffing their faces was normal?! As if! It was soooo gross! Why is Christmas about gorging yourself? I don't feel obligated to do so, and it feels good. I want to be thin. There's nothing wrong with that. I won't annoy people who think it's stupid by rubbing it in their face, but I can't pretend like all those people who don't starve themselves are normal. We.all.have.our.issues.period. Ugh. 107.8 lbs today. 8 lbs to go to reach my first goal! Starting a liquid fast tomorrow. =) Write more tomorrow. Wish me luck!