Life can be beautiful. I see inspiring stories of these beautiful white people, and their cookie baking grandmas, their dignified war hero grandpas, warm and loving mothers, and more than just provider fathers. They go fishing, camping, and have amazing holiday celebrations together. Don't forget the 20 year old dog who still wags his tail underneath the dinner table.
My life sucks. I have been blessed to have met amazingly intelligent people who I am lucky enough to call friends who have given me some perspective/ability to go on in life a semi-sane, pseudo intellectual. And that's it. Mostly, I've been left to my own devices that usually end up with me on the internet, going crazy, and finding new ways to SI and hate myself since 10 years old.
Fuuuuckkkk...
I feel atleast 20 lbs overweight. I mindlessly pinch, shake, and poke my thighs all day. In public even. On the train. On the bus. In line at the pharmacy chain store.
I hear a girl whisper to her boyfriend, "I want to be that skinny." I was 102.0 lbs that day (lowest this year). She said it (atleast to my fucked up mind) that I was appropriately thin and not too skinny. Sooooo.... I guess I'm fat. 103.2 today. I feel obese. Obese.fat.cow.fuck.
Winning lottery ticket now! I need some cosmetic surgeries....................
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